May 5, 2011 09:12

Prison Pointers

Merle Haggard got a 15-year prison sentence after he was caught shoplifting. Lucky for us (and him), the musician ended up turning his life around. But just in case you aren’t so lucky, here are three tips to how to survive a stint in the pokey.


Avoid becoming an inmate’s “girlfriend.” While being someone’s bitch will get you some protection, there is a dark side. Who wants to be traded for a pack of smokes?


Hold your tongue and show no emotions. Fear, anger, happiness or pain are your worst enemies in the slammer. Your fellow inmates will use them to their advantage to manipulate you.


Don’t be a snitch. Even if you hear and see everything (what else do you have to do 24/7?), say nothing. Talk as little as possible to prison staff—even if it’s harmless chatter.